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please remember brittany

please brittany remember. you are someone. you may not feel it now. you need to hear this right now more then ever. you are something special and you can share things and give to the world. your ability to influence others is greater then you know. God I was brought here for a reason. and although i have been searching for twenty one years for that purpose, i have not quite found it yet.
lord i pray to make a difference in every persons life that i touch, and come in contact with. when they look into my eyes, let them see someone real, someone pure, someone with a heart of gold and only the intentions to do good. because that is who i am.... although i have made the epitome of mistakes.
give me the strength to see through lies, speak when I must and hold my tongue when I must. please grant me the strength to not go crazy through these rocky roads that are filled with questions.

you have a good heart. and although i may not make the best decisions my intentions are are always good and pure.
lord i pray for a sheild of protection. please give me strength god. i'm sorry for praying to you only when i need you. i'm so sorry please forgive me. i'm on my knees. give me a sign....something i cannot turn from.
it takes moments like this to remember that you are there for me. even when you are the only one.

the only one. i trust no one and i never really have. i'm scarred to death. im living in fear. lord, i dont even know what to say. i feel like i have experienced everything there is to feel. but then i feel this low. i have prayed for someone to come into my life and sweep me off my feet, be true, loving, and completly ginuene.
lord grant me the eyes to see through fruitless words, to see through lies and people who truspass against me. i forgive them. but they kill me. they kill my soul. please open my eyes to see the difference and the strength to let them make their foolish mistakes, for they must learn on their own. through their own obstacles and their own mistakes. but i believe in the end they will turn back and see, and see all i have given and what could have been.

please let me speak when i need to. grant me the right words to speak and the right moments to touch someones heart. open my eyes to see the opportunitys left in front of me.

i have worked my entire life as long as i can remember to make it big as a model/ actress/ miss usa and blah blah. i guess i felt i had to please those around me...and prove to them...so i could intern prove to myself that i matterd. i'm tired of giving everything just to prove something that already.....is. I have so much potential and the world is in front of me....it doesnt matter if I win a pageant...it doesnt matter if I model for Versace in the Spring for the latest trends.....who are those people to judge me...and why does their opinion of WHO I AM matter? I do not have to prove anything to anyone. If they cannot see it...it is their lose. I dont care if i ever make it anymore. god i know you have given me the heart to do greater things then to be on the cover of a magazine. its just hard for me to remember that right now.

wow. i cannot believe all i have learned in just a few months short of a year. i'm a different person. i think i know what i must do, but please guide my footsteps and my decisions.

that used to be all that matterd to me. but not anymore. God your will is all that matters. Take the bad out of my life and fill me with only things that are holy and pure. I give it all to you. Everything.
I give you everything.

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December 2009
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